Help Me to Heal
by kats96
Summary: No one knows everything about Artemis's past. Something happened to him to make him into who he was. Something that Holly is about to find out about. (WARNING: Possible triggers!)


Holly could tell something was bothering Artemis. Deep down inside, she had always known he had demons he hadn't wanted to discuss. In fact, she was more than a little surprised when he said he wanted to be more than friends. But Artemis was growing up, and she attributed the change of heart to that. Maybe he was outgrowing his demons. Still, something drew lines of worry across the teen's face.

She reached up a hand to try to smooth away the tenseness in his face and was startled when Artemis drew back, almost violently.

"Artemis?" she asked, her hand still hovering where his face had been. She let her hand drop slowly and stared at him. She saw something in his eyes she rarely saw. Fear.

"Artemis, are you… afraid of me?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Artemis shifted nervously on the bed, distancing himself from the fairy, turning to dangle his legs over the edge. He stared intently at his gray pants and gripped at the mattress so tightly his knuckles turned white. As if he was afraid if he let go, he would lose his grip on his life.

"Artemis, if something's wrong, you should tell me," Holly said gently. "I want to help you, but if I don't know what's going on…" She drifted off, not really sure how to continue.

Artemis took a deep, shuddery breath and released his grip on the mattress and instead folded his shaking hands in his lap. He lifted his head and stared straight ahead at the wall.

"Holly, there's something that happened to me when I was young, something I was too afraid to tell anyone about. No one knows, not even Butler. I've kept it secret, buried and hidden, hoping that I could forget about it."

Holly wasn't sure, but she thought she could see tears in Artemis's eyes. Then he blinked several times, and they were gone, so she couldn't be sure she had even seen any.

Artemis unfolded his hands and let his left thumb drift to his mouth. He gnawed at the nail for a moment before realizing what he was doing. He withdrew his thumb and wrapped his fingers around it, forming a fist, which fell back into his lap.

Artemis shook his head slightly. "I didn't realize how hard this was going to be," he whispered.

Holly wasn't sure what to do. Should she try to comfort him? But how? She couldn't touch him; that set him off earlier. And if she spoke, she was afraid she would break the spell and Artemis would close up, folding in on himself like a wilting flower.

So she did nothing. Just watched Artemis stare at the wall. This time she was sure she saw tears, which was proven by one stray drop falling and soaking into his pants, staining the gray to a dark charcoal.

"When my father disappeared, my mother went with him. Not literally, of course. But the person she was when he was here was no longer occupying her body. Something inside her broke, and I, only a boy, wanted to fix my mother. I wanted her to be the same person she'd always been. But she had changed.

"At first, it wasn't a big deal. She was depressed and stayed in their bedroom, wrapped up in the sheets, burying her face in the smell of her husband, breathing in the memories of him that lingered in the room. But her condition worsened. She demanded to go to the attic. I thought it was because she couldn't take the flood of memories anymore.

"Then she started mistaking me for my father. It's understandable. She was desperate for him, and I share many of his qualities and features. I thought that by playing along, she would snap out of it and return to being my mother."

The tears flowed freely down Artemis's face, streaking his cheeks with their liquid trails, and he dipped his head down and to the side so Holly couldn't see.

"I had no idea…no…I didn't…"

Holly felt a rock form in the pit of her stomach. She had never seen Artemis so emotional. Whatever had happened, it was something truly damning.

"My mother took advantage of me," Artemis finally whispered. "She thought I was Father, and so she…"

Holly's mouth gaped open, and she found herself shaking her head, as if she thought that by denying such a thing had happened, it wouldn't have.

"I was so young, I didn't… didn't really know what she was doing at first," Artemis gasped. "And it wasn't just one time. I… I'm not sure how many times, actually. It was all such a… a… a blur, that I…"

Holly had to say something. "Artemis, you need to tell someone about this. What your mother did is wrong; it's illegal! She…"

"No, Holly," Artemis said. "She didn't mean to do it. She wasn't herself. I thought that she would remember what she had done, but she doesn't. When I stole that magic in the time stream, I not only _mesmerized _my parents to forget I'd been gone. I also used it to interrogate my mother about all those years ago. But she didn't know anything about it. Even under the _mesmer_, she didn't know who she'd become. How could I report her for that? I don't blame her for what she did, because it wasn't really her. She was so psychotic, she doesn't remember anything between the time we found out my father was missing and when you granted my wish for my mother to be sane again."

"But Artemis, think of your own sanity!" Holly protested. "Such a trauma would be detrimental to your mental health."

"Don't you think I know that already? Take a look back at my life, Holly, and tell me it's the life of a sane person. Tell me!"

Holly was crying now, too. "I can't! I'm sorry, Artemis, but how was I supposed to know? You were good at hiding it. Otherwise I would have tried to help you, somehow. But I can't say how."

"Can you heal me?"

"No. Not on a psychological wound this deep."

"Then… help me to heal." Artemis turned back to face her. "My past is what kept me from forming close relationships with anyone. I was afraid of being touched, afraid of being hurt. But you have been there for me, fighting me or alongside me, helping me become a better person despite all my tragic flaws. You broke down the cold, icy wall I erected to keep others away. As I said before, I was a broken boy. And you fixed me. But I'm not healed yet."

His eyes were so piercing, so intense, that Holly found it hard to focus on anything but them. "Help me to heal," he repeated, leaning closer until their lips met.

"I'll do whatever I can," Holly murmured, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"For now, this is enough."


End file.
